I'm not at work. Hence the lack of political diatribes. I don't have to rebel against my boring job by exercising my brain. Right now I'm actually supposed to be working my brain. And I find myself drawn to playing Tetris instead. There's some poetic justice in this, but I'm not sure where.

I'm applying for PhD programs. I'm happy to talk about politics with my friends, and debate politics with strangers. But create a research proposal for important professors to look at? Hey, judge me, I love it!

The fact is, school is scary. Just to want an academic life speaks of maladaption. Academics can't function emotionally: they're scared of the outside world. So books become an escape, a way to validate yourself intellectually. Not that having an overdeveloped intellect makes you smart, or successful. But it might get you a decent job, if you're lucky.

For those of us on the outside, working shit jobs and gazing up longingly at the ivory tower, there's even more at stake. I'm not validating myself intellectually: I'm pleading for the chance to do so. I feel like I'm in grade 3 hoping I'll get an extra smiley sticker for my neatly coloured map. I am more than what I write or do. But it sure as hell don't feel like it right now.