I've waited 20 years to see this movie again, and I've finally got a copy. For those few unfortunates who haven't done their patriotic duty and read up on it, Red Dawn is the story of the Soviet invasion of America, precipitated by Russian "crop failures". Written by John Milius, screenwriter of three Dirty Harry (Clint Eastwood) films, NRA executive member and self-described 'zen anarchist' (don't ask, I don't get it either), Red Dawn is the proud story of a plucky band of rural youngsters who take on the might of the Soviet and Cuban military. Here's a handy synopsis of the opening scenes:


"Why are the Soviets in Kansas?"
"You saw the opening credits - they're here to eat our corn!"


"Now see here, fella, we may overproduce so many staple crops that we dump them on the third world and destroy local sustainable agriculture, but that don't mean you're getting any."


"Foolish American! We care not for your corn!"


"But - I could've introduced you to Orville Redenbocker!"


"You in there! Lazy petit-bourgeois students! We seek the one called Swayze! Where is he?"


"That better have been Swayze, or we will get very angry!"


"This is all because of 'She's Like The Wind', isn't it?"


"Look! They're encouraging us to watch Eisenstein!"
"Goddamn them! Goddamn them all to hell!"